perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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