4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
