so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
