So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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