I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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