Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
