The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize