i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
