I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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