Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
