someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
