You smell like stripper and shame
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize