I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
