Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
