if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she looked like the before picture.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
