the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
