You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
