the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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