And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
