I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
