I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
