I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
