I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
