dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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