some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
