I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
