I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
