Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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