every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When are your genitals available?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
