9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
