I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
