Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
