I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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