She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
