I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
