I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
