i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
