There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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