hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
