better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
