UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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