one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
