I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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