we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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