why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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