its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
