Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
