from now on my penis is your penis
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
