ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
