Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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