We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
