How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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