The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were trust falling into bushes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
