I should be sponsored by Trojan
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
