my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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