just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
