The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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