Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize