Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
