dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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