There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
