Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I know her cup size but not her name....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
