what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
