I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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