I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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