I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize