You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
