Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
