Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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