I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
