That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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