We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's always time for handjobs
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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