your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
